Thursday, February 23, 2012

Faith precedes the miracle

I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster with no seat belt the passed 5 months.
Ecstatic for falling in love and being sealed to the most dreamy man.
Devastated to find out his wonderland body had some unfortunate friends; cancer.
Thrilled that the odds of him beating it were so high.
Upset that through the chemo treatments there was literally NOTHING I could do to help my darlin' feel any better.
Relieved to realize we were done with treatments!
Stomped on, to find new growths after we were sure he was all done.
COMPLETELY GRATEFUL, that our Heavenly Father made sure those new growths were nothing to worry about.
We met with the urologist today. 

He gave us the results from the PET scan.
The growths aren't big enough to operate on, but not small enough to forget about and blow over.
He said it's possible that they are just "scars" from the chemo.
We are following doctors orders and getting scans every 3 months to make sure they don't grow.
If they do, surgery it is. 
Open surgery that will cut across specific nerves that will lower our chances of having kids to "if we're lucky".
If we're lucky, WHATEVER. WE ARE SO LUCKY.
As a matter of fact, I can't stop thinking about how lucky we are.
Naturally, we had to celebrate our divorce from cancer.
Besides Costa Vida being the most delicious, it was the only thing we had a gift card for so, duh, we ate there.

I had to buy a new candle to add to my collection.
It's name is relief. 

I mean how could I pass that up really?
I am so full of gratitude for the countless blessings we have been given. 
Heavenly Father is so very aware of who we are and what we need.

Miracles are happening everyday.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Forecast say SUNNY??

If it's not the bright light that lets me see what's around me,
it's the warmth on my face.
Or perhaps it's the need for my skin to tan so people believe that before I was a Nelson, I was a Perez.
I love sunny days.
And I especially love sunny days on doctor appointment days.
For we all know, RAINY DAYS=BAD NEWS.
 Tomorrow at 9:30 am is our appointment with the urologist. 
Adam had a PET scan done a week ago.
Hopefully tomorrow we will find out our options.
Surgery? No surgery?
I had such a great time last week!
Valentines Day:)

Lots and Lots of hair and eyelash extension appointments:)

 To prove I can cut short hair:)

And my best friends wedding:)

Also Adam's hair has started to grow back!

This was this morning AFTER we buzzed it to get the longer "duck-like" blonde hairs off.
It's still a little sparse, but he is looking and feeling better than ever:)


"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer a need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit."

Monday, February 13, 2012

OCTOBER 3, 2011 = FEBRUARY 13, 2012

The day Adam got diagnosed was October 3, 2011.
October 3, 2011 was a rainy day.
Much like today.
That's how I knew it wouldn't be good news.
The oncologist we have been seeing at least once a month for the past 5 months came into the room a little sheepish.
He asked Adam how he had been feeling and if he had any lasting side effects from chemo so far since it has been six weeks since Adam's last treatment.
He was curious about his back pain and if he always had back pain or if he noticed anything new.
I sat silently, ready to vomit from anxiety, in the corner just listening.
For today was scan result day.
The oncologist said this,
"You know Adam this is really wierd, alright?"
In my mind I'm thinking...FABULOUS. 

He continues to tell us that the tumors that were on the CT scan when he was first diagnosed back in October were still there and still the same size.
Then, the weird part, he said that he had 3 additional swollen lymph nodes on the back of his stomach by his spine that were not on the scan back in October.
Yes, new ones.
Adam did some blood work and there were no signs of cancer in his blood.
We hope so! 
The oncologist talked with a urologist and the radiologist.
None of them knew why the lymph nodes were on this new scan but weren't on the one 5 months ago.
Because the blood work show's that there isn't any cancer, it's leading them to believe that these lymph nodes are benign.

Long story short,
Adam is getting another PET scan and then we are meeting with the surgeon to discuss our options.
They want to do surgery to take them out and test them to see what's going on because not one, not two, but THREE trained professionals don't have an explanation.
From what little information the oncologist told us, the surgery won't be very fun being so close to his spine and having the lymph nodes be so tedious to remove.
If he doesn't do surgery, they will grow and cause problems later on.
I'm just as numb as October 3, 2011.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


Yesterday was scan day!
Okay so I bet you're all reading this to find out the results.
SO sorry.
Not yet.
But it's been so strange lately. 
I think that when something like this happens you just suck it up and deal with it.
And now that things are starting to slow down, the numbness is wearing off and I'm actually feeling the stress of the trial.
(This could be because about a month ago I stopped taking my "zombie" anxiety pills where I didn't feel much anyways..)
Weird, however, since the cancer should be gone.
I just get all nervous Adam is going to disappear and never come back and I'll be 20 and a widow!
okay yes this probably is my anxiety.
I just love him and I'm so proud of him for his attitude through this whole thing.
He is feeling tons better everyday.
We exercise about 5 times a week.
A combination of running and walking 3 miles.
He jokes around with me again.
He flirts with me again.
He wants to go out and do things again.
It's the best to have him BACK!
Cheesy, romantic, NEWLYWEDS, HERE WE COME!