MONDAY

Monday was Adam's last day of his last cycle of chemotherapy.

We woke up and naturally, he wasn't feeling well.

I tried to excite him by reminding him, "It's the last one!"

Didn't seem to help.

Because you see for Adam, the day doesn't really come until about a week later.

When he can finally drive again, and when he does not feel like puking every step he takes, and not feel disoriented.

It's when he can feel his legs, when he doesn't forget how to swallow, and when he remembers there is hope in getting better.

When he can run up a flight of stairs without feeling exhausted and his food tastes good again without 2 tablespoons of salt.

When every muscle in his body doesn't ache and when the bruises go away, and his hair grows back.

That's the day we're excited for!

Monday, I was a wreck.

I cried when I had to drop him off for his hardest and final treatment because I had to go back to work.

I cried on the 30 min drive back to DAVIS because I couldn't be there. 

I cried when I got to drive back down there to see him.

 I think I cried because I it was so obvious that God was there helping us through everything.

It was a struggle neither of us could have done alone.

And perhaps that's why we found out about the cancer AFTER we got married.

Adam shared with me this fortune he received while eating lunch on Monday.

If that isn't a tender mercy from God, then I don't know what is.

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength."

Adam has a body scan on FEBRUARY 6, 2012.

Keep those prayers going til we know he is clear:)

BALANCE

As most people discover over the holiday season, balance gets justified. 

One too many desserts.

Four too many glasses of sparkling cider.

A justified extra $100 on the most perfect Christmas present.

I've decided this holiday season I'm not budging.

I want, and more than that, I NEED to stay within the boundaries this year.

"Too much of anything isn't good for you," right?

Spiritual, mental, physical and emotional balance is what I"m striving for this holiday season.

It's when you have self control the life seems to roll out smoother.

And with that, comes some of my personal changes.

Exercise more, eat less.

Pray more, stress less.

Love more, argue less.

Study more, procrastinate less.

Someone once told me that if you tell someone you're goals out loud,
there is an 85% chance it's going to happen.
Ergo.
My blogging proclamation.

On another note, Adam introduced me to a little slice of Mexico.
Welcome to Denio's Auction & Market.
Where Mexican's gather and sell produce or other misc. items for real Mexico prices.
AKA ultra cheap.
Adam and I decided that getting our produce here was far tastier and much easier on the budget.
We made it a tradition to go back every Saturday morning.
9 LBS of Oranges for $3.
30 LBS of Potatoes for $4.
2 baskets of strawberries for $2.
10 Limes for $1.
6 LBS of Plantains for $3.

 With all the oranges, we decided to make fresh squeezed orange juice.

And since, I've decided there is nothing better.
Except maybe this.

Sometimes I play dress up with Adam out of the blankets the hospital provides, when we get bored at Chemo.
This weeks character: Monk.

 

Two of a Kind

Adam started chemo again this week.

We were on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

THANKFULLY, we got off for Thanksgiving.

And we're back at it again on Monday and Tuesday of next week.

Somehow I got sick in the middle of it all.

Cold symptoms and then a fever.

Still recovering.

It's one thing when you're married for three weeks and your hubs gets diagnosed with cancer; but it's a whole different thing when you can't sleep together because you're ill.

You see, a cold to me, can be deadly to him.

Thus, the reason all doctors and nurses warn him to be careful around the holidays of all the people and all the germs.

If he gets a fever of 100 degrees, emergency room it is.

And so, to prevent the previous from occuring, 

we sanitize.

We are just a bunch of sick-o's this week.

Regardless, today was the best thanksgiving I have ever had.

Perhaps when you're needing the blessings they fall more abundantly.

Or perhaps when you've been humbled you recognize them more frequently.

Which ever it may be,

May we always show appreciation for the miracles we receive, no matter how big or how small.

Sacrifice

Today has been a rather tough day.

Shouldn't have been seeing as I got to do hair today.

But today I've been real anxious.

It's when we are put in difficult situations that we are "tested".

When we're uncomfortable, upset, tired, or running out of patience is when our true concerns of character show through.

And let me tell you, my character is really just flying around these days.

I break down A LOT.

(Naturally, as it's that time of the month.)

But recently, I thought about all the sacrifice that goes on.

The sacrifice from my parents for paying our bills while Adam was in the hospital and while I was finishing school.

The sacrifice from my in laws who opened there home to newlyweds, still figuring out who they are as a couple. (I mean really? not even 3 months yet!!!)

The sacrifice from my family; cousins, aunts/uncles, grandparents, who have called to support or who sent us money to get us back home so Adam could start chemo.

The sacrifice that my friends from school, home, and church, made to hold me when I couldn't stand up when Adam first called and told me all this news.

The sacrifice Adam makes to cheer me up when I'm having trouble adjusting.

For example;

Just as I was writing this he stopped making chocolate chip cookies and came in the room.

I nuzzled my head into chest and said, "I"m having a hard day."

He said, "Well just think tomorrow will probably be worse."

I pulled away and looked at him and said, "Wow, really?"

He said, "Well at least now you can appreciate the rest of today."

I'm so grateful to everyone who wants the best for us,

and for everyone who has prayed for us,

and who hopes everything is going to work out, and I promise you it will

Because it always does.

 We're driving back to Idaho tomorrow so I can take state boards,

and so we can pack up our most perfect apartment,

and so we can say a temporary goodbye to my dream team.

"Although there is much to fear,

we were moving mountains long before we knew we could."

  Also if you have time to read my blog,

you have time to watch this video.

It inspires me and I watch it almost every week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAjZ8mfoYw

Date Night

Sometimes when you're newly married and don't have money and your husband gets cancer,

you move in with your ever-so-generous in-laws.

And sometimes when your husband is always sick, weekend dates get creative.

We sat at home in our sweat pants with The Big Bang Theory on,

wanting so badly to make some Neiman Marcus cookies. 

My newly acquired "aunt-in-law" if you will, Aunt Cathy, called and asked what we were doing.

She wanted to stop by for a visit when we told her we were going to the store.

Bless that beautiful lady for saving us a trip to the store and for bringing us almost every ingredient for these delightful cookies.

http://www.food.com/recipe/neiman-marcus-250-chocolate-chip-cookies-recipe

While we were making them I decided that was our date.

We mixed em up, stirred em up, plopped em in the oven and violla!

The most perfect cookies in the world.

And here's the thing about trying out new recipes.

You can buy the most expensive ingredients, and follow directions without flaw,

but how do you really know that some mixed up flour and sugar with a couple eggs is going to turn into a cookie after it's scorched with heat?

Because you have faith.

That is how you KNOW.

Faith has been on my mind a lot lately because I feel like that's what keeps me sane.

It's the days that I'm lacking faith that I get all ski-womp-es and forget the big picture.

It's those "bad thinking" times that I get too self centered and only care about how my life was "ruined" because of cancer.

Because you know, really, if I had chosen to not get married, 

I would have a fabulous job, with fabulous people.

I wouldn't be poor or living back with parents.

I would be able to eat out when I want and buy new clothes without asking.

I would be able to have my own bed.

But guess what Christina?

You CHOSE to get married to the man of your dreams.

and so, 

you promised to be by his side.

Ergo, instead of my "bad thinking",

I have to believe that this is all going to work out.

I have to keep believing that God is with us everyday, helping us to be more patient and loving.

I have to believe that there is a reason why Adam found out he has cancer AFTER we got married, even though he probably got it a year ago when we first starting dating.

I have to believe that the job offers that I wanted to take more than anything in this world, will hopefully still be available when all this is over.

I have to believe that as a twenty year old girl that I was given this situation to make me grow.

So that maybe someday, when someone else's faith is lacking, they can borrow mine.

"A faith is a necessity to a man. Woe to him who believes in nothing."
Victor Hugo

Really, Truly, Honestly

Okay.

So a little too much information or not, 

this is a realistic blog and that is how it will stay.

Needless yet quite comical to mention,

I have a fantastic bowel movement cycle.

(this all ties in i promise)

So in Idaho i will regularly wake up thirty mins before my alarm goes off to well....

take care of business.

I woke up at 8 everyday for school.

And when it wasn't school, it was church.

Regardless, I'm on a very set schedule.

While forgetting about the time change my body still wants to wake up a half hour before the alarm goes off.

Luckily, with the chemo schedule, I need to be up at seven anyways.

Putting two and two together,

I still wake up at 8AM Idaho time.

Not putting two and two together,

that's taking care of business six thirty california time.

Now not to waste anymore time on the preface of this post.

I woke up at six thirty this morning and couldn't go back to sleep.

I was real anxious.

Today was a big day.

I took my written exam for my cosmetology license.

Passed with an 84%.

Didn't study and finished 110 questions in 20 out of the 90 minutes alotted.

I may be legally blind, but i'm a real fast reader.

Also, today was Adam's last day of chemo for another two weeks,

thus putting us at the end of cycle one.

As i tossed and turned and couldn't manage to count any sheep,

I thought about how grateful I am for husband I have.

I wiggled my cold toes between his warm ones and realized that many couples given this same situation,

couldn't do it.

They would blame each other for the "crappy" situation.

The trial would pull them apart instead of push them together.

They would give up.

I am just the luckiest.

Lucky to have a husband who doesn't get mad when I'm screaming and crying because I hate this.

But rather, wants to hold me to comfort me.

Lucky to have a husband who doesn't take his anger out on me when he feels light headed, nauseous, and weak,

But one who asks if we can cuddle while we watch a movie to relax.

Lucky to have a husband who doesn't get mad when I ask a favor of him,

But will drop what he is doing to help me, even with his achy, poison filled body.

I'm so grateful that we have taken this "treacherous mountain of a trial",

and turned it into a beautiful hike.

Lots of hard work, patience, and love.

One foot in front of the other.

Adam said to me a couple weeks ago,

"You know I couldn't do this without you."

Being the smart aleck I am, I said, "Well technically, without you I wouldn't have to do this."

But really, truly, honestly, 

I couldn't do it without him either.

For better or for worse?

We have just accomplished day three of chemo.

After day two he wasn't feeling too good.

A little nauseous.

Super tired.

Really weak.

We wake up at seven every morning and leave the house by seven forty five.

If we aren't to chemo on time, 8:15am, then they don't let you do it. 

After Adam married Mrs. Anxiety, you had better believe we're almost never late.

This morning we get to chemo and a nurse, who we will call Blanchard, calls us into the "family room."

Onto the far other unfamiliar side. 

She prepped Adam's skin and made sure she found a thick enough vein for the IV.

Blanch then proceeded to "misfire".

She probably had the needle in his arm for a whole solid minute and was stirring it around til she got some blood flowing into the IV. 

Needless to say, Adam was miserable and we knew it wouldn't be a good day.

Then she gave Adam some anti-nausea pills and a cup of water to drink them down that had what appeared to be a boogie stuck to the inside of the cup.

Maybe Blanch doesn't like younger couples.

The drip went on and what seemed like the longest treatment of our lives.

The IV bags drip one at a time.

The first one is always some saline.

Then magnesium.

Then liquid Platinum.

Then something that freezes off warts, in liquid form. Nitrogen?

Then the rest of the Saline.

Adam is really tired.

All the time.

He is so weak.

He expressed to me today that, "He feels like he is drowning."

WHO WOULDN'T AFTER 4 HOURS OF AN IV??

Hair hasn't fallen out quite yet. 

We're expecting that in a week or two.

I talked to a different nurse about my expectations about what i thought chemo would be like.

I told her they might as well be mixing it in a caldron and all wear witch hats and while it's in the IV bags it's probably boiling.

As the nurse laughed at my description, she said, "But aren't you so glad it's not like that? Chemo is a happy place. It's not about dying, you're here because you're surviving."

Enjoy some pictures from our past two days:)

Day two picture above.

I had the privilege of taking my sister-in-law, Kenz, to "neverland" by giving her a pixie after yesterdays treatments.

Ergo, if you need your haircut, I'D BE HONORED.

Today was me and Adam's 2 month wedding anniversary! So while he was sleeping I snuck away and got him a "Love You" balloon.

The nurse commented, "Wow, only two months? You sure got to hell and back really quick."

Oh Blanch, you have no idea.

But, I know we will get through this.

I know we are getting stronger everyday.

Happy 2 Months Adam Call Nelson:):)

The "Family Room"

We made it alive! 

We arrived in California on saturday night around six pm.

So glad we're back and safe.

Today was DAY 1 of chemo treatments.

This morning has been just a bundle of emotions.

We woke up at six forty five to get ready.

Getting in the car, Adam turns on the radio.

The song "you gotta keep your head up ohhhh oh. You gotta keep your head up yaaaa ya." comes on.

I couldn't figure out if our Ford Focus was giving me a hint of the film Transformers, or if this the Lord singing to me.

We drove all the way to Sacramento to freeze our future babies at a sperm bank and hurried on back to Roseville for chemo treatments.

(incase your unaware chemo has potentially and will most likely make you sterile.)

Waiting in the waiting room was sorta wierd but entering the "family room" as i like to call it is was even more weird.

I imagined chemo was a private thing. You would sit with an IV in your arm in a quiet room and barf if you needed to in your own privacy.

How wrong i was!

at least at kaiser.

There were reclining chairs lining the walls and the room sorta looped around like an L shape. Some people had curtains but no one chose to use them.

The cancer patients just sit in the recliner with there IV's in and let the poison drip.

As most would agree when walking in you feel a little eerie like you just walked into the wrong classroom on the first day of school. 

But i soon realize not to feel eerie but to "make yourself at home."

After the four hours of us being there, it felt like a big family room.

Some people got the medication without any loved ones by there side, others had the max of 2 visitors the whole time.

I believe, they don't close the curtains because they find support in one another.

Today I learned that there is something magical in the strength of numbers.

Every person's treatment is different.

It's interesting ease dropping.

And oh brother, you try and avoid in there.

It's naturally and everyone does it.

Thus another reason why the "family room" is so appropriate.

Some patints are scheduled to come back in 3 weeks, we WISH!

we're back in tomorrow.

and the next day.

and the next day.

and the next day.

five days a week.

four hours a day.

then a two week break.

and 

REPEAT.

We love having visitors. Makes the time FLY.

Adam is peacefully asleep as they gave him a "tranquilizer" to take every night to help him relax.

Enjoy some pictures from our day:)

Now before we begin, let me preface.

The nurse handed Adam three pills and said, now these might make you feel a little wired.

You might not be able to sleep tonight.

Ergo.

Our photoshoot.

Todays lesson:

There is strength in numbers.

OH, THE LESSONS

 Lessons to be learned are oh so numerous.

During this life we encounter trials to test our faith and our actions.

I have talked with many close friends and family members over the past couple weeks and have realized the strength and faith that comes from them. 

However when all is said and done, regardless of the support given to your by loved ones,

the consequence of our actions always falls on us. 

This makes reacting to our trials complex.

A commonly asked question, "Why do bad things always happen to good people?"

WHY NOT? 

After all it's probably the good people who will be able to handle it and grow from it.

I have always been a more bubbly and positive spirit.

This cancer trial, in particular, has stretched my positive attitude to almost the opposite pole.

Meanwhile, I have learned so many things and I hope you can learn them too.

1. Do not try to control what is out of your control. You will always fail.

2. Always have faith and do what you KNOW is right for you. In doing so, the Lord will bless you more than you could have ever imagined.

3. This life is the time we are to be tested. We don't necessarily receive our reward in this life.

4. Focus on what is RIGHT in life.

5. There will be a time in your life when you can't help yourself and so you must receive; but God will also give us another opportunity to give, and when it's my time, I'll know and I'll do it because when I couldn't do it for myself, someone else did.

6. Life never happens how you expect it; but that isn't because God doesn't love you, it's because his way will make you one thousand times happier than you could have ever made yourself.

 Now for your long awaited report.

Adam got his PET scan yesterday and said it wasn't the most pleasant thing. He should be getting the results back soon.

CROSS YOUR FINGERS for tomorrow!

He meets with the oncologist on Wednesday where he will learn more about his treatment plan.

We still haven't decided if we will be staying in Rexburg or moving home for a short period of time while Adam gets his treatments.

But we will know soon:)

"Sometimes the Lord will calm the sea;

Other times he lets the sea rage and calms His child."