Faith precedes the miracle

WOAH MAMA.

I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster with no seat belt the passed 5 months.

Ecstatic for falling in love and being sealed to the most dreamy man.

Devastated to find out his wonderland body had some unfortunate friends; cancer.

Thrilled that the odds of him beating it were so high.

Upset that through the chemo treatments there was literally NOTHING I could do to help my darlin' feel any better.

Relieved to realize we were done with treatments!

Stomped on, to find new growths after we were sure he was all done.

COMPLETELY GRATEFUL, that our Heavenly Father made sure those new growths were nothing to worry about.

We met with the urologist today. 

He gave us the results from the PET scan.

The growths aren't big enough to operate on, but not small enough to forget about and blow over.

He said it's possible that they are just "scars" from the chemo.

We are following doctors orders and getting scans every 3 months to make sure they don't grow.

If they do, surgery it is. 

Open surgery that will cut across specific nerves that will lower our chances of having kids to "if we're lucky".

If we're lucky, WHATEVER. WE ARE SO LUCKY.

As a matter of fact, I can't stop thinking about how lucky we are.

Naturally, we had to celebrate our divorce from cancer.

Besides Costa Vida being the most delicious, it was the only thing we had a gift card for so, duh, we ate there.

I had to buy a new candle to add to my collection.

It's name is relief. 

I mean how could I pass that up really?

I am so full of gratitude for the countless blessings we have been given. 

Heavenly Father is so very aware of who we are and what we need.

Miracles are happening everyday.

Forecast say SUNNY??

If it's not the bright light that lets me see what's around me,

it's the warmth on my face.

Or perhaps it's the need for my skin to tan so people believe that before I was a Nelson, I was a Perez.

I love sunny days.

And I especially love sunny days on doctor appointment days.

For we all know, RAINY DAYS=BAD NEWS.

 Tomorrow at 9:30 am is our appointment with the urologist. 

Adam had a PET scan done a week ago.

Hopefully tomorrow we will find out our options.

Surgery? No surgery?

Regardless,

I had such a great time last week!

Valentines Day:)

Lots and Lots of hair and eyelash extension appointments:)

 To prove I can cut short hair:)

And my best friends wedding:)

Also Adam's hair has started to grow back!

 

This was this morning AFTER we buzzed it to get the longer "duck-like" blonde hairs off.

It's still a little sparse, but he is looking and feeling better than ever:)

NOW KEEP THOSE FINGERS CROSSED FOR THIS APPOINTMENT TOMORROW:)

"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer a need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit."

 

 

OCTOBER 3, 2011 = FEBRUARY 13, 2012

The day Adam got diagnosed was October 3, 2011.

October 3, 2011 was a rainy day.

Much like today.

That's how I knew it wouldn't be good news.

The oncologist we have been seeing at least once a month for the past 5 months came into the room a little sheepish.

He asked Adam how he had been feeling and if he had any lasting side effects from chemo so far since it has been six weeks since Adam's last treatment.

He was curious about his back pain and if he always had back pain or if he noticed anything new.

I sat silently, ready to vomit from anxiety, in the corner just listening.

For today was scan result day.

The oncologist said this,

"You know Adam this is really wierd, alright?"

In my mind I'm thinking...FABULOUS. 

He continues to tell us that the tumors that were on the CT scan when he was first diagnosed back in October were still there and still the same size.

Then, the weird part, he said that he had 3 additional swollen lymph nodes on the back of his stomach by his spine that were not on the scan back in October.

Yes, new ones.

FABULOUS.

Adam did some blood work and there were no signs of cancer in his blood.

YAY, REMISSION, right??

We hope so! 

The oncologist talked with a urologist and the radiologist.

None of them knew why the lymph nodes were on this new scan but weren't on the one 5 months ago.

Because the blood work show's that there isn't any cancer, it's leading them to believe that these lymph nodes are benign.

Long story short,

Adam is getting another PET scan and then we are meeting with the surgeon to discuss our options.

They want to do surgery to take them out and test them to see what's going on because not one, not two, but THREE trained professionals don't have an explanation.

From what little information the oncologist told us, the surgery won't be very fun being so close to his spine and having the lymph nodes be so tedious to remove.

If he doesn't do surgery, they will grow and cause problems later on.

REGARDLESS,

I'm just as numb as October 3, 2011.

EEEEEE

Yesterday was scan day!

Okay so I bet you're all reading this to find out the results.

SO sorry.

Not yet.

and trust me I CAN HARDLY SLEEP AT NIGHT!

But it's been so strange lately. 

I think that when something like this happens you just suck it up and deal with it.

And now that things are starting to slow down, the numbness is wearing off and I'm actually feeling the stress of the trial.

(This could be because about a month ago I stopped taking my "zombie" anxiety pills where I didn't feel much anyways..)

Weird, however, since the cancer should be gone.

I just get all nervous Adam is going to disappear and never come back and I'll be 20 and a widow!

okay yes this probably is my anxiety.

I just love him and I'm so proud of him for his attitude through this whole thing.

He is feeling tons better everyday.

We exercise about 5 times a week.

A combination of running and walking 3 miles.

He jokes around with me again.

He flirts with me again.

He wants to go out and do things again.

It's the best to have him BACK!

Cheesy, romantic, NEWLYWEDS, HERE WE COME!

MONDAY

Monday was Adam's last day of his last cycle of chemotherapy.

We woke up and naturally, he wasn't feeling well.

I tried to excite him by reminding him, "It's the last one!"

Didn't seem to help.

Because you see for Adam, the day doesn't really come until about a week later.

When he can finally drive again, and when he does not feel like puking every step he takes, and not feel disoriented.

It's when he can feel his legs, when he doesn't forget how to swallow, and when he remembers there is hope in getting better.

When he can run up a flight of stairs without feeling exhausted and his food tastes good again without 2 tablespoons of salt.

When every muscle in his body doesn't ache and when the bruises go away, and his hair grows back.

That's the day we're excited for!

Monday, I was a wreck.

I cried when I had to drop him off for his hardest and final treatment because I had to go back to work.

I cried on the 30 min drive back to DAVIS because I couldn't be there. 

I cried when I got to drive back down there to see him.

 I think I cried because I it was so obvious that God was there helping us through everything.

It was a struggle neither of us could have done alone.

And perhaps that's why we found out about the cancer AFTER we got married.

Adam shared with me this fortune he received while eating lunch on Monday.

If that isn't a tender mercy from God, then I don't know what is.

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength."

Adam has a body scan on FEBRUARY 6, 2012.

Keep those prayers going til we know he is clear:)

Time Off.

Here's the thing.

My favorite thing about the holidays is relaxing and taking "time off."

Ergo, the reason for no blogging.

I like to do it, but not as much as some people.

And some days it most certainly feels more like a chore.

This is clearly not a post of perfectly set up Christmas trees with neatly wrapped presents and pictures of hot apple cider.

That's great if that's what your life is really like..but mine? Nah.

Adam and I still had a fantastic Christmas:)

But no time for cute pictures with moving into our new apartment in Davis.

We LOVE Davis:)

It was a heaven sent job opportunity with a two bedroom one full bath apartment.

Right close to downtown but far enough away that we're not trampling over pedestrians.

How could we resist??

We have been busy moving and celebrating Christmas and starting a new job.

We are so blessed to end the year this way! 

With all things we have learned and all the perspectives that have changed over the past four months,

we are excited to start a new year:)

I decided an end of the year photo shoot will be necessary.

A new tradition I decided just now:)

Here are a few pictures from our very first New Years Eve shoot.

Thanks to my prima for the beautiful shots portraying our trail, our love, and our friendship.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!:)

Big Girl?

So this is how it all happened.

I went to lunch on Tuesday with my mother-in-law and her ever-so-fabulous friend Becky.

Becky mentioned an apartment management position in Davis that was needing to be filled "yesterday".

We got home from lunch and I grabbed my laptop and Adam and we headed off to chemo.

There we updated our resumes and faxed them off to the property management company.

With a great referral from Becky's son and daughter-in-law, we got a call the next morning for an interview in Davis.

After two hours of questions and answers and viewing the complex, we rushed home to get to chemo again on Wednesday.

Thursday morning we called "Boss Lady" and got ourselves a JOB!!

This includes: a free two bedroom apartment and a full time job managing 48 units in Davis, California.

We move in on Monday and we are so so excited!!

This kind of stuff does not just happen to people. 

Thus the reason I know "all y'all's" prayers are working:)

But hello!!! 

Does this mean I'm a big girl now??

Married, Cancer, Managing Apartments??

All BEFORE I'm twenty-one??

Okay, okay little mija is growing up fast:)

 

Giving in the Family Room

Chemo is filled with so much holiday cheer this week!
Yesterday Adam was in a chair next to a lady who lost all her hair but was wearing a santa hat.
Not to mention her red shirt, black shoes, and "a little round belly that shook when she laughed like a bowl full of jelly."
She got a little fiesty with the nurse when she tried to stick her to get the IV in, but that's understandable.
All the nurses are wearing festive scrubs and around the holiday season the visitors start bringing gifts.
My Aunt came in and brought us a bag full of mandarin oranges.
DELICIOUS.
My grammy came the day before with a giant box filled with wrapped gifts.
Thinking she was going to be handing out a present to all the cancer patients in chemo that day I said,
"Uh, excuse me, what are you doing?"
"Well every year I do the Twelve Days of Christmas for people having a difficult time. And you, my dear, are having a difficult time."
Grammy has always been so selfless and thoughtful.
She has an unwavering faith and love for her Savior and shows that through her service.She provides all types of service for people older and younger than her, related and unrelated, more often than just this time of year.
With the box that she gave us we are able to open one present everyday til Christmas.
It has been so fun to grab a present on our way into chemo and open it while we're there.
I hope we can all grasp the true meaning of Christmas this holiday season by focusing on giving more of ourselves, the gift that only you can give.
Also, this is my Grammy.
And it's true, she doesn't have wrinkles:)
76 and looking gorgeous:)

Retiring

Ha. Retiring from blog world?

Seems like it right??

My apologies.

We have been so crazy filled with adventures!

This past week Adam and I took a trip to visit my family in Fresno.

And with this trip I realized how great my life is.

How many newly weds really get to spend every moment of everyday together?

NOT MANY.

Ergo, the reason I feel like we're already retired.

We wake up and go on walks in the morning.

We build gingerbread houses.

We make frequent trips to the hospital.

We pay extra attention to make sure we get enough fiber, fruits, and vegetables in our diet.

We travel.

We read books.

But mainly, we just hang out.

Needless to mention, going back to "work", is going to be difficult.

Adam had a doctors appointment this morning and guess what??

GOOD NEWS.

His cancer is in remission according to blood work.

But here's the tricky thing,

sometimes cancer markers aren't shown in blood work because they are so itty bitty.

Therefore, we must carry on through the last two cycles of chemo.

Starting Monday will be cycle three.

Then the next one will be the first week of January.

SO EXCITED for him to start feeling like a 24 year old and less of an old man.

He gets tired really easy from mediocre tasks but helps me with our Christmas crafts.

Speaking of, why doesn't everyone do homemade presents every year? 

I swear homemade stuff is the best.

Speaking of.....

My mom is a supervisor at work.
There is a competition of who can be the most festive with decorating there offices/cubicles.

They win a pizza party.

Anyone who knows my mother knows...

YOU GO BIG OR YOU GO HOME.

Ergo.....

Her office was transformed with two of her favorite helpers, Adam and I, into a gingerbread house.

If she doesn't win, I'll be angry.

Also, scratch that comment with going big or going home, when it comes to Christmas without the kiddos.

This is my mothers "Christmas Tree".

She really started slacking since I've been gone.

But got to give it to her, it's creative.

BALANCE

As most people discover over the holiday season, balance gets justified. 

One too many desserts.

Four too many glasses of sparkling cider.

A justified extra $100 on the most perfect Christmas present.

I've decided this holiday season I'm not budging.

I want, and more than that, I NEED to stay within the boundaries this year.

"Too much of anything isn't good for you," right?

Spiritual, mental, physical and emotional balance is what I"m striving for this holiday season.

It's when you have self control the life seems to roll out smoother.

And with that, comes some of my personal changes.

Exercise more, eat less.

Pray more, stress less.

Love more, argue less.

Study more, procrastinate less.

Someone once told me that if you tell someone you're goals out loud,
there is an 85% chance it's going to happen.
Ergo.
My blogging proclamation.

On another note, Adam introduced me to a little slice of Mexico.
Welcome to Denio's Auction & Market.
Where Mexican's gather and sell produce or other misc. items for real Mexico prices.
AKA ultra cheap.
Adam and I decided that getting our produce here was far tastier and much easier on the budget.
We made it a tradition to go back every Saturday morning.
9 LBS of Oranges for $3.
30 LBS of Potatoes for $4.
2 baskets of strawberries for $2.
10 Limes for $1.
6 LBS of Plantains for $3.

 With all the oranges, we decided to make fresh squeezed orange juice.

And since, I've decided there is nothing better.
Except maybe this.

Sometimes I play dress up with Adam out of the blankets the hospital provides, when we get bored at Chemo.
This weeks character: Monk.

 

Two of a Kind

Adam started chemo again this week.

We were on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

THANKFULLY, we got off for Thanksgiving.

And we're back at it again on Monday and Tuesday of next week.

Somehow I got sick in the middle of it all.

Cold symptoms and then a fever.

Still recovering.

It's one thing when you're married for three weeks and your hubs gets diagnosed with cancer; but it's a whole different thing when you can't sleep together because you're ill.

You see, a cold to me, can be deadly to him.

Thus, the reason all doctors and nurses warn him to be careful around the holidays of all the people and all the germs.

If he gets a fever of 100 degrees, emergency room it is.

And so, to prevent the previous from occuring, 

we sanitize.

We are just a bunch of sick-o's this week.

Regardless, today was the best thanksgiving I have ever had.

Perhaps when you're needing the blessings they fall more abundantly.

Or perhaps when you've been humbled you recognize them more frequently.

Which ever it may be,

May we always show appreciation for the miracles we receive, no matter how big or how small.

Last Week

Our last week in Rexburg has been bitter sweet.

I learned that our time together is so precious.

Not in the "dying" sort of precious.

Because Adam isn't dying.

But in the "we were ripped out of the newlywed stage" sort of precious.

We have been all business and serious and full of emotions.

Being back in in Rexburg, let us forget all that for just awhile.

We realized that we fall more in love with every trial we work through together.

Also, being in Rexburg, we got alot done.

I took my practical examination for state boards in Pocatello.

We packed up our apartment.

We had friends from Grace come.

Adam's hair started falling out.

So before we were all traumatized, he went bald.

I cut some hair.

Adam and I realized our own idea of "cute brown boots."

And mainly we had a wonderful time just being alone and together.

"As we focus our energies on lifting the burdens of others, something miraculous happens. Our own burdens diminish. We become happier. There is more substance to our lives."

We Made It

Not to worry, we made another safe trip back to Idaho.

Rexburg welcomed us with chilly winds a frost bitten grass.

It's real gloomy and I can't wait to be back in California.

Our drive seemed to pass by much quicker than a week and a half ago.

Probably because I slept alot.

Adam was feeling well enough to drive, thank heavens.

As usual, I had my three hour turn from Winnemucca toWells in there too.

We brought baby carrots, grapes, and of course Doritos, to keep us occupied.

Except this one baby carrot was pretending to be a cheez-ball.

Ok and so we clearly needed another creative "homemade" date.

And so we made tacos for dinner and caramel apples.

I know the pictures are blurry, but it's going to be fine.

Then we went to a BYU-Idaho function called ICover.

It's fairly self explanatory where bands cover popular songs. 

It was great entertainment for only $2.

Today we had plans of using my brothers truck and moving all
"the big stuff."

The bed, dressers, desk, etc.

And then this happened.

One additional reason why I hate Idaho.

We're hoping it clears up by later today because my brother is going back down to Utah tomorrow.

We will be leaving Idaho this coming Thursday.

Adam has a doctors appointment on Friday

Blood Work done on Saturday.

Back to chemo on Monday.

Adam is feeling pretty well for the most part.

He is up and able to move around.

He has been feeling disoriented a lot but nothing he can't handle.

Apple Hill

Once upon a time we got our first day off of chemo.

And with that free day I was NOT going to sit around and do nothing like I had for the past week.

We got up at the usual seven am and met up with some family to venture to Apple Hill.

My Aunt Tanya who is engaged to Matt and his son Henry.

And naturally my Prima and her husband Steven.

I had never been, thus didn't know what to expect.

In simple terms, it was like a ji-normo farmers market with an emphasis on apples.

They had the most deluctible apple treats along with freshly pressed apple juice.

Adam and I bought a gallon to take home.

There were local "crafty souls" there selling there homemade soaps and trinkets.

It was fun to drive along the apple orchards and to find other small farmers markets up the road.

Adam got pretty tired about half way through, which was expected.

So we headed home a little early.

It was freezing, so using him as an excuse was perfect. 

I'm so grateful for California.

And for activities.

And for no snow.

 

 

 

 

And of course,

I just love my Adam.

He is doing so much better the farther away we get from chemo days.

Still tired.

Still feels like he got hit by a truck.

But is able to get up and do things with me:)

For better or for worse?

We have just accomplished day three of chemo.

After day two he wasn't feeling too good.

A little nauseous.

Super tired.

Really weak.

We wake up at seven every morning and leave the house by seven forty five.

If we aren't to chemo on time, 8:15am, then they don't let you do it. 

After Adam married Mrs. Anxiety, you had better believe we're almost never late.

This morning we get to chemo and a nurse, who we will call Blanchard, calls us into the "family room."

Onto the far other unfamiliar side. 

She prepped Adam's skin and made sure she found a thick enough vein for the IV.

Blanch then proceeded to "misfire".

She probably had the needle in his arm for a whole solid minute and was stirring it around til she got some blood flowing into the IV. 

Needless to say, Adam was miserable and we knew it wouldn't be a good day.

Then she gave Adam some anti-nausea pills and a cup of water to drink them down that had what appeared to be a boogie stuck to the inside of the cup.

Maybe Blanch doesn't like younger couples.

The drip went on and what seemed like the longest treatment of our lives.

The IV bags drip one at a time.

The first one is always some saline.

Then magnesium.

Then liquid Platinum.

Then something that freezes off warts, in liquid form. Nitrogen?

Then the rest of the Saline.

Adam is really tired.

All the time.

He is so weak.

He expressed to me today that, "He feels like he is drowning."

WHO WOULDN'T AFTER 4 HOURS OF AN IV??

Hair hasn't fallen out quite yet. 

We're expecting that in a week or two.

I talked to a different nurse about my expectations about what i thought chemo would be like.

I told her they might as well be mixing it in a caldron and all wear witch hats and while it's in the IV bags it's probably boiling.

As the nurse laughed at my description, she said, "But aren't you so glad it's not like that? Chemo is a happy place. It's not about dying, you're here because you're surviving."

Enjoy some pictures from our past two days:)

Day two picture above.

I had the privilege of taking my sister-in-law, Kenz, to "neverland" by giving her a pixie after yesterdays treatments.

Ergo, if you need your haircut, I'D BE HONORED.

Today was me and Adam's 2 month wedding anniversary! So while he was sleeping I snuck away and got him a "Love You" balloon.

The nurse commented, "Wow, only two months? You sure got to hell and back really quick."

Oh Blanch, you have no idea.

But, I know we will get through this.

I know we are getting stronger everyday.

Happy 2 Months Adam Call Nelson:):)

Sleepless in....roseville?

One of the biggest adjustments since being married has been sharing a bed.

Adam is a cuddler.

I am not.

He wants to fall asleep cuddling with our legs intertwined.

I'm thinking...

"how could anyone sleep with someone touching them??"

To please both parties, we simply cuddle for a couple minutes and then I make my break and turn over.

Peacefully you'll sleep til someone moves, or pooters (Adam's name for a fart), or talks to you.

Having been the first night after chemo, I asked Adam how he was feeling sometime around 5AM.

He tells me he is feeling great.

I think well duh, youre on a tranquilizer.

So I turn over and attempt to go back to sleep when he says,

"I don't want to do chemo again."

With emotions stretching from each side of the spectrum I feel my rubber band to happy snap.

Naturally I start crying.

Ergo, not being able to go back to sleep.

Ergo, early morning blogpost.

It's hard to watch the side effects kick in.

My Adam has never felt this sick.

So nauseous.

So dizzy.

So weak.

More pale than ever.

and then a good nights rest just to do it again in the morning.

I feel helpless and it's hard.

It is emotionally, physically, mentally draining.

People always ask, "how do you do it?"

You do it because you have to. Because you have no other choice and even if you did you wouldn't ever choose it. 

You do it because when you pray to strengthen your marriage every day,

and God gives you cancer,

You just have faith it's going to bring you closer together.

And it has.

And I'm eternally grateful.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.